31 July 2009

NElf BM Hunter, LF WoW WingWoman

Guys, we ladies know you have them, and it's no secret. He's standing at the bar with you, looking bored and watching the game on the big screen over the top-shelf liquor while you scent the air, searching for your prey. You may think that we don't know that you're going to send him over to scope out the territory to see if we are, perhaps, interested. We know. He is your RL hunter-pet, a ferocious, cunning, or perhaps tenacious warrior on your behalf. He is your wingman.

I am now about to divulge a Girl Secret.

/looks about furtively to see if the Girl Police are listening.

Girls have wingmen, too.

Okay, we don't call them wingmen, and we almost never send them into battle, even though they can be as ferocious, cunning, or tenacious as any guy wingman. No, this would in fact pre-empt her primary class functions, which she is freakin' brilliant at.

See, here's where the secret comes in...

Wingmen are hunter pets, WingWomen are shamans.

A good WingWoman can take a hit for you if necessary, has a terrific collection of jewelry that you can use, and can and will throw a heal if the particular boss you're taking down (i.e., the scumbag Brad-Pitt-lookalike rich-as-Midas investment banker) happens to rip your heart to shreds. After the healing, then she'll let loose a flood and rip him to shreds. It's classic, beautiful, and a wonder to watch.


These magnificent and utterly unreplaceable talents are not even the most important duty of a WingWoman. She has yet another task, one that she and she alone is qualified to do.

Buffing. Especially, pre-pull buffing.

Is my slip showing? Am I wearing matching shoes? Do these earrings scream, "Pull me off!" to you? The lipstick... is it too red? Does this dress make my butt look like the backside of a barn?

See, we can ask a guy these questions until we're blue in the face, and if he is at all interested in getting some action later, he knows exactly the right answers for them. And that is all well and good. But if we really, really want a real answer, we must and should turn to our WingWoman. She is our go-to buffer. Girl, you are smokin'. Not those shoes, though - wear these. And tone down the eyeliner; you look like Buffy Does Goth. These are important... nay, vital needs that she is fulfilling. Our WingWomen are all about the details, because when one is trying to land that particularly big fish, details matter.

And if necessary, when things are looking particularly bleak, she can toss a Heroism and save the day.

"Particularly Fine-Looking Nice Guy, have you met my friend, Feathers? She's on the cover of Important and Prestigious Magazine next month for her role in the development of Important and Prestigious New Geegaw!"

Thank you, WingWoman. /buys her a beer.

I can hear what you're saying.

"This is fascinating stuff, Feathers, but what's it got to do with WoW?"

What, the whole shaman-hunter-pet analogy wasn't enough for you? Sigh. Fine.

See, here's the thing. I have decided that I am desperately in need of a WoW WingWoman. Someone who will say, "Kia, you're not wearing any pants." Or, "Kia, don't you think that it would be a good idea to take some Honeymint Tea with you before you go try to take down Ulduar?" Or even, "Kia, it really would be beneficial if you equipped a weapon before you pull a boss that spawns immune-to-arrows elemental adds." Especially one who knows my DIRE need to get Achievements, and thus would have said something before I went to Sethekk Halls to grind rep and get the finish achievement.

Look really closely... really really closely... at my left hand. Yes indeedy, Internets. That's me, Kialesse of Darkspear, standing in Sethekk Halls in front of a dead Darkweaver Syth armed with my Bouquet of Red Roses.

No, this is not a joke.

After about six deaths, I figured out when to time the Mend Pets and the Feign Deaths and the Kill Shots and so forth. Jake and I managed to take him down eventually. However, I couldn't finish the instance before it was time for me to go sing karaoke (yes, I do; I'm bloody good, and that's a story for another day), so I had to come back after about three hours and do the whole place again. This time, having FINALLY noticed that I didn't actually have my shiny purple dagger on my person, Jake and I one-shotted the nasty pest.

Therefore, this is a cry for help. Lady WoW players on Darkspear, I need your help. I'm going to be the one running around Dalaran, still looking for that last stupid carrot. Kindly pat me on the head, smile warmly, and privately mention that I'm still in Viper and that the loser gnome I'm running around with is going to ditch me when a younger, prettier, higher-DPS hunter comes along. Trust me, your assistance will be received most gratefully. I'll even buy you a beer at Legerdemain. We can ogle Arille together. It will be fun.

27 July 2009

So, Here's the Thing

This was entirely Aertimus's idea. I had nothing to do with this. In terms of blogging expertise, I stand somewhere slightly above a golden gerbil. Not that there's anything wrong with gerbils, you understand, it's just that they aren't generally renown for a great deal of mad skillz when it comes to the whole blogging thing. So, I, me, Kia, would never have started a blog myself. Not ever. Especially not one about World of Warcraft. Like I said, this was not my idea.


That doesn't necessarily mean that it was a bad idea, you understand, just not mine.

Oh, and for the record, it wasn't really Money's idea, either. From what he tells me, he's just as inept. Fortunately for you all, we're both wicked funny, which is much better than being wicked ept, anyway. If you're looking for ept, there's a whole world of WoW blogs out there that will serve you much better. Go forth and conquer.

None of which actually tells you why this blog exists. I'm getting there. Patience, young Padawan, patience. See, it was Aertimus's idea. Money and I were just rolling along in Violet Hold with Aert and her hubby Yakra and our guildie Ujelang, who really was a trooper about all the insanity that was going on in the Hold. Fortunately, it's VH, right? I mean, there are dragons and all, but you shoot them and they die. Sure, I was totally distracted and in Viper for half the time. Nobody died, right? Except the dragons? Oh, and that big puppy dog.

So, we're just shooting things in the face, cracking up the whole time, because like I said, Money and I are wicked funny, and Aertimus says, probably inspired by the mass insanity all around her... "You two should have a blog."

Laughter. It was funny! Me, a blogger! Not hardly. We more or less ignore her and keep shooting dragons in the face. Money does it better than I do. However, Aertimus isn't to be denied, and in between the laughing and the shooting the dragons, she says, "All you need is a name."

I'm still ignoring her (which is totally okay, because Aert's a good friend and we've known each other for ages and I'm actually in one of the pictures on her blog. No kidding. This one. That's me, on the mammoth. I'm very attractive, aren't I?). However, there's this moment after a (probably bawdy, Money excels at bawdy) joke that Yakra, he of the massive tanking skills, says...


O. M. G. Aertimus just about dies (IRL - Aert never dies in WoW, she's an epic healer), and in between the dying and the laughing and the shooting the dragons in the face, she goes and makes a blog called Shaft and Feathers and puts Money and me in charge of it. What was she thinking? Genius, really. I've always admired that tree.

So here we are - brand-new WoW hunter blog. It will not be the first blog you run to for the latest theorycrafting or numbercrunching. In fact, it won't be the last blog you run to, actually. There are no numbers here. I'm allergic. However, it will be an entertaining look at what two hunter bloggers who don't take the game seriously very much or take themselves seriously at all. We both play nelf hunters, and we're both in LOKI, an end-game progression guild in Darkspear. There, the similarity ends. Money raids, I don't. With Money's help, LOKI's taken down Ulduar already; I'm terrified of Naxx. (It's just cause I die to Heigan EVERY SINGLE TIME.) Money has a wolf, is Marks/Survival, and has like all these fantastic purple clothes. I am still BM (and will be until the world ends. It will not change.), trip about with a kitty, and still get lost in Dalaran sometimes. As you can see, I'm not terribly forward thinking. Obviously, if you have any, like, real questions about playing a hunter (and if you do, talk to Pike - she's my WoW hunter goddess. /bows at Pike's feet.), you really, really need to direct them toward Money. I'm inept. I like to run around and shoot things and pet my kitty (Jake, best d@mn pet in the whole WoW world, I don't care if some stupid wolf can take him in dps one-pawed) and make leather things and collect pets. Money has killed Yogg-Saron; the pinnacle of my WoW life was the day I bought Pengu. However, if you need someone to talk to about how to go about loving on squirrels, I'm your girl. I loved that achievement. I'm pretty sure it's the first one I got, other than, like, Explore Dalaran. Yes, I know that Explore Dalaran is not, actually, an achievement. It should be. It would help those of us who get lost there all the time.

There you go, Internet. Money (the Shaft) and Kia (the Feathers), here to brighten your WoW adventuring with inanity. There's so much more where this came from. Be warned.

Oh, and blame Aertimus and Yakra. It was all their fault.

Welcome to Feathers and Shaft!

Kia and Money are a little nervous about this! I'm sort of forcing them into it and its their first time. But at 10:00 on a Monday night, this seemed like a GREAT idea.

And now I shall turn this over to my two favorite hunters on Darkspear!

(Psss... Look guys I wrote the first post, so now you are stuck!)

Love, Aert